This is a story about what my sister and I did this morning.

It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, so we were off from school.  Our neighbors were going out of town and had asked us to watch their two cats–Pepper and Sketchers.  Pepper is a lithe gray panther who sometimes disappears for days at a time, while Sketchers is a huge fluffy black fur ball who just wants to be petted.

Our neighbors (ironically named the Joneses…I know!) gave us their house key so we could get in and feed the cats.  For some reason they took the key and attached it to a pair of child-safe scissors.  The kind with a rubber pink grip.

(Why?!  The next time we get the Joneses to care for our cat, we’re going to attach our key to a steak knife!!)

Anyway, my sister and I usually jog to get the mail. We took the Jones’ key with us because we planned to stop by their house and check on the cats.

I was stretching and we were about to take off when my sister, who was holding the key, said, “Wait. You’re not supposed to run with scissors.”

I thought that was funny. It was also a great excuse not to have to jog. So we took a relaxing walk to get the mail. Afterwards we let ourselves into the Joneses house and greeted Sketchers (Pepper had disappeared again).

After the usual feeding and petting, we opened the back door and tried to make Sketchers go outside. He’d been cooped up all day and probably needed to pee.

My sister was out on the porch calling to Sketchers. He was stubbornly sitting on the couch. I was carefully holding the scissor key ring.

All of a sudden, my sister–who is DEATHLY afraid of dogs–jumped up and ran inside as fast as she could. She slammed the door and said,

“OH! DOGS!”

I went and looked outside. Sure enough, two of our neighbors’ dogs–Blitz and Mocha, who are both huge–were loping around beside the porch. They got up on the porch and ate the cat food sitting there. Then they slung the food dish into the yard.

I dislike dogs. They are messy, sloppy, and not very bright.

Okay, now that’s out the way. We went around to the front door (followed by Sketchers), thinking we could sneak out there. BUT NO. The wolves had gone all the way around the house and were now nosing at the cat food on the FRONT porch.

I dislike dogs. They are messy, sloppy, and not very bright.

AN Y WAY

We went back around to the back door, but the beasts followed us and got up on the deck and slobbered all over everything.

At this point I was getting angry.  I looked for a broom to shoo them off but couldn’t find one.  At least Sketchers hadn’t gone outside.  He was preening himself on the couch.

Blitz–a scary half-wolf half-German shepherd–was leading Mocha around the yard.  Mocha is a chocolate lab (to the best of my knowledge…?).  The last time I’d seen her, she was a tiny puppy.  Now here she was up to my waist, wanting to eat us alive.

I told my sister, in the voice of a king whose city was under siege, “We’re just going to have to run for it.  Well, actually don’t run because they’ll probably try to chase us.  Just walk calmly and fastly and maybe they won’t notice us.”

Then I breathed a prayer and we dashed for cover.

As we ran for our house, my sister said, “Wait…You’re not supposed to run with scissors!”

 

P.S.  We never saw the dogs after that, but I texted their owner–my friend down the street–and told her that her wolves had gotten loose.  She wrote back, “Sorry they are in our garage now.”

Me:

200_s

 

#DoctorWhoFtw

 

P.P.S.  I tried to do a GIF of the doctor saying “what?” but it wouldn’t work.  Does anyone here know how to put a GIF in a wordpress post?

 

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3 thoughts on “STORY TIME: Don’t Run With Scissors!

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